When someone hurts you... and somehow you end up apologising for being upset about it... that's not a healthy dynamic. That's emotional manipulation. Gaslighting doesn't always sound like, "You're crazy." Sometimes, it sounds like… "You're overreacting” “You're too sensitive" "I didn't mean it like that." They flip the script so well, you start questioning your own feelings, and apologising... just to keep the peace. But here's the truth: You're not wrong for reacting. You're not difficult for having boundaries. And you're definitely not the problem for expecting respect. If every conflict leaves you confused, guilty, or saying sorry for what they did... it's not a misunderstanding. It's gaslighting.
Transparency isn’t about being “controlled” or “whipped,” or whatever the trending buzzword is these days… It’s about creating safety and prioritising your partners peace of mind by leaving no space for doubt.
The version of them that shows up in that first argument… is version you’ll be dealing with when life gets hard and stress is high. It shows you how they deal with pressure, accountability, and emotional discomfort. So don’t ignore it. Don’t excuse it. Don’t romanticise your way around it. Remember, an argument isn’t a red flag. It’s a reveal.
Don’t trust “nice” men. Now compare that to a good man: He’s kind… but he’s honest and direct. He won’t just agree just to keep you happy... but he’ll handle any conflict or tension with empathy and respect. He’ll have strong boundaries and stand by his beliefs (even when it’s uncomfortable) because he values the long-term potential of the relationship more than your temporary approval. He never, and I repeat, NEVER love bombs you and showers you with compliments, nor ever put you on a pedestal. Why? Because he doesn’t need to. He’s not trying to win you, manipulate you, or fast-track intimacy… he’s trying to get to know you. And sees you as his equal. So remember… A nice man cares about being liked. A good man cares about being real. One wants approval. The other wants connection. Learn the difference.